i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We left the knife in your bed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize