I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
