Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
