he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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