i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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