my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
