What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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