ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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