We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have fence marks all over my body
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
