dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
