I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize