On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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