working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
