I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
