So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
