508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
