xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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