Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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