the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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