If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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