My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
