the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
whose parrot is this?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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