Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize