Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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