shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
