I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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