Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
