i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
