you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
