Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
