id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
