Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
