11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
