found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
