Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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