i think my mom watched the whole time
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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