oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
