I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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