So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
