why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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