I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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