New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
