I looked at my own cervix.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
