Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
