i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
