Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
