They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
