Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize