If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
