i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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