if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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