They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
