Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
