i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
