do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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