what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
