I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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