just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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