Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
