I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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