i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
