Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
