Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize