You smell like a Billy Joel song
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
