chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
