You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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