I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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