im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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