the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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