i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
