I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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