were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
