sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
