i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i think we sleep fucked last night...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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