oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
